For The New Individualist

Published September 26, 2021
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I’m so impressed by all the new individualists, the new intellectuals, popping up in opposition to the great overreaches of the government. I had no idea there were so many people ready, willing, and able to protest and zealously spread propaganda as far as they can shout in support of individual liberties. As a friend of mine lamented, it was difficult before the pandemic to get people to even care about a protest for individualist-minded immigration reform (for example), but since the pandemic, we have warriors of individual freedom coming out of the woodwork! Armed with the latest in rhetorical weaponry (memes, horrific analogies, victimhood, and appeals to being ‘nice’), a nice unified frontline has been formed to take down the oppressive Big Brother in that theater of World War III, social media.

It’s so nice to finally, after all this time, be surrounded by like-minded individuals who are concerned for the liberties and freedoms of their fellow citizens, so that we may look towards a brighter, more productive future without having to ask permission for our accomplishments! Their courage and resolve in the Twitter wars, the Facebook melees, and the Reddit debates are what will help us form a new union where each of us can find our own path towards happiness, unfettered and unmolested by others’ actions and beliefs.

Of course, we can’t aim too high. On this front, it’s important to win all the arguments and never concede, lest we show a fault in our stubbornly individualistic identity. Individualism is about being myself, against all outside things, so, I’m always correct. If I was wrong that would mean I’d have to rely on someone else, and that’s not being an individualist! So consistency in argument, well, consistency may be a bit much to ask for. After all, if I feel it, as an individual, it must be true!

How I Became An Individualist

I came to enter politics and advocate individualism because I was told I had to do something I didn’t want to do. They said something about how it was to protect other people or some such, but, I didn’t really care about that. Being an individualist, I’m the only one that really matters to me in everything. Being told to be mindful of other people, AKA being told what to do bothered me so much (as it should any truly responsible adult), I now have a life-long passion for fighting for my God-given rights at every turn and social interaction, real or otherwise.

I have the right to do what I want to do, no matter what! I should be able to say and do anything I want without repercussions from anyone! I mean, that’s what freedom of speech is, isn’t it? I should be able to get rich if I want, or infect hundreds of other people with a dangerous virus (after all I didn’t really do anything to them, that’s just nature), all without having to worry about anyone else but me, the true individualist. That’s not mean or wrong. Everyone’s out for themselves anyway really, so I call it being smart!

Oh, I remember life before all this shit hit the fan. I didn’t really have too much of a care in the world. I lived a peaceful life where I enjoyed shopping at Target, making love to my Army husband, talking to people about my essential oils business, and sharing Real Housewives memes on Facebook. I had heard about this politics thing, sometimes people would talk about how those damn immigrants were ruining everything, or how terrible it was for that guy to have to bake a gay wedding cake, or how Facebook (my fav) needed to be regulated so we could say anything we want on it, but it didn’t really strike me as particularly important.

I remember an argument once between my hubby and my nephew about how gays shouldn’t be able to be fired because they’re gay. I couldn’t really get into it, but I had to side with my hubby, it’s their choice to be gay, and it’s the employer’s right to hire, or fire, whomever they want.

It wasn’t until I walked into Target to get the latest Hearth & Hand Magnolia dinnerware set that I was accosted by some middle-aged bitch who told me I had to wear an ugly fucking mask on my face to be in the store. Who did she think she was, the police? Here I was, in public, minding my own business and others were harassing me about what I was wearing. That kind of harassment should be illegal! This incident really opened my eyes.

I went home and in tears told my husband, who’s in the Army by the way, about what happened. He got mad and said, “This is Biden’s country! Ridiculous!” So I started to educate myself. I turned to my main sources of information, to the people I knew I could trust, Facebook, Twitter, and Spotify. I mean, my President used Twitter, so it’s legit, don’t tell me otherwise.

What If I Told You?

Now I know the real truth about this oppressive power and have joined ranks on the front line. Too long we have been delegitimized without cause by the establishment. But people like me exist, we have a voice! We’re not kooks, we’re real hard-working people and we will be heard!

It hasn’t always been easy. Early on I ran into what we call the meddling logicians, you know, the wackos who expect you to be consistent. They really need to live in the real world, like the rest of us. They say things like, “If a business can fire a person for being gay, they can fire someone for not having a vaccine,” or “if a person doesn’t have to bake a gay wedding cake, Facebook doesn’t have to allow Nazis,” and shit like that.

I turned to my fellow Facebook groupies for help. The idiots on my feed call it an “echo chamber,” in a mean way, but I don’t really get it. Marjorie, who likes to quote Hitler, told me that if you don’t really have an answer it’s important not to show weakness in identity. Instead, say something to put them on the defensive, something gas-light-y to delegitimize them. They think they’re smart, but I easily thwart them with, “Oh, you’re so uneducated and rude!”

It’s important to delegitimize people you can’t really argue with, just like they’ve put us down all this time. They don’t understand, it’s not about being consistent, it’s not about other people, it’s about how I feel and what I think is right (and what I think should be!) I mean, that’s what the control-everyone-else liberals do, isn’t it?

A True Individualist

I’ll let you in on a little secret. It doesn’t really matter what the analogy is, like for example comparing the rules of unvaccinated seating to segregation in the 60s. It doesn’t really matter whether the right thing is consistent with anything else (it’s called context, duh.) All that matters is how I feel about it, and what I’ve decided is right. That’s individualism! All that other stuff is just rationalizations to try to get others to take me seriously.

Seriously. Just look at Ben Shapiro (one of my heroes) and how he owns the libs. If I have to use a bad-faith (what does that mean anyway?) analogy, a meme that doesn’t make sense, or god-forbid actual logic in an effort to push back against the zombified snowflake hordes and assert the dominance of my feelings of self-worth and righteousness, then I do what it takes.

I’m not dumb! I get away with this because most people are too dang polite, or squeamish, about actually calling it out. Instead of pointing at my bull-headed petty (that’s how it’s been described to me by some Tumblr-inas) self-centered individualism where I decide things on feelings alone (mostly feelings of comfortability), they engage in whatever bullshit I’ve pulled out of the ass of the internet today.

This is the point. The more people engage with what I have to say, the more legitimate my position becomes. It has “arguments” for it, it has “reason” on its side. It must be worthwhile if people are taking the time to disagree and chop it down. Several years ago, my solipsistic individualism would’ve been shot down as simply a self-centered worshiper of whim, but nowadays I can shout “Snowflake” in a burning building and people think I have something to say!

Now that I’ve let you in on the scam, you can join in on the front lines as well. I know you won’t betray me and actually point out what I’m doing. I mean, how freakin’ rude of you would it be if you were to actually call me out on my assholery? Rude!

Image Based On A Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

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