I have visited my nurse practitioner again. She changed my medication again. This time she re-lowered my anti-psychotic back down to 7.5 mg. She had raised it to 10 mg, but I was finding it impossible to stay awake throughout the day. Although, I had a dosage of 10 mg last night, and today I’m doing pretty good. My mother told me she wants me to stop the bad habit of getting donuts at the gas station every day after I drop Maus off at work, so, I’ve stopped doing that. Instead, she wanted me to get some protein, so I decided that I’d eat special protein-infused instant oatmeal. It has almonds and cranberries, so that’s good.
The other thing she did was lower my anti-depressant by 20 mg. Now I take 60 mg instead of 80 mg. She told me that 80 mg was over the maximum dosage, so she wanted to see it lowered. She said that this particular anti-depressant creates a buffer between you and your emotions and emotional reactions. I told her that the other day I told Maus that I wish I could cry because I wasn’t feeling so good. I can’t cry anymore, I don’t cry about anything. She said that was the anti-depressant. In her words, she said that she thinks I’m afraid of feelings. Of course, I think I have good reason to be afraid of my feelings. They haven’t always served me well.
So, I’ve been on 60 mg for about four days now. I know that medication usually takes about 1 to 2 weeks to really adjust over. However, I already feel a little different. Maybe it’s just in my head, but I feel more like I used to feel more consistently. One time I told Maus that it seems like I don’t feel anything anymore. That I used to feel things all the time, and now I don’t. He said, “Asher, that’s normal. People don’t feel all the time.” Well, I always felt all the time, for better or worse. Captain told me that she understood what that meant. But now, it seems like I have a glimmer of emotion again, at least like I used to get. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
At least it seems like it’s helping me be a little more disciplined and focused. Yesterday I woke up at noon, and yet I was still able to spend some time at Starbucks, clean half of the apartment, make dinner, clean the rat’s cage, and play Arc the Lad II for a while. That’s a lot for half a day! I realized I felt better after doing all of those things, and that if I didn’t sleep half the day I could do more of them. So, today I didn’t. Sometimes it’s as simple as that.
What is the Original Pursuits Society? A long time ago I started a club in high school with my then best friend (now adopted brother). I was very passionate about it, to say the least. It was entirely governed and developed independently of anything, no adults, no school, no chaperone, it was just an experiment of independent organization from the ground up. Needless to say, being made up of high schoolers, it had some problems. There were strong passions, strained relationships, irresponsibility, manipulation, and really in the end it was just one giant hot mess. But it was a good hot mess, and something that I think had merit.
The idea was that it would be an organization that would foster creativity through the appreciation and creation of quality art. One of the problems with TCO in the past was that it didn’t have a clear focus. I know that in the grand scheme of things that this proposal doesn’t sound that impressive, but imagine living in a semi-rural town with no book stores, very few outlets for individual and modern creativity, and it was somewhat impressive.
It developed its own newsletter (yeah, I know), its own catalog (where you could buy items made by members), its own server, and such. At its height it had 64 members. Not too bad if I may observe.
The Original Pursuits Society I imagine to be much the same eventually, except better. This time it’s being run by adults with experience and who are more stable. Really, right now, it’s just me. Anyone on the internet can join, although it’d be nice if I had a local chapter involvement too.
What do you do or get as a member? Well, you don’t really get anything except an account on originalpursuitssoc.com which enables accounts on other OPS websites. There are also no membership fees, it costs nothing and never will. As a member, you will gain access to other like-minded creative individuals who are interested in working on things and making stuff. You may not be a visual artist, but someone else is and they might be looking for you. As well as access to people who are into hobbies such as table-top gaming, books, sci-fi, etc. OPS can also supply a forum, a place where creative pursuits and creations can be shared and published, even sold.
Right now I’m looking for a few members to get things started. I’m not entirely sure exactly where it will go, but I think it would be an interesting thing to try out again. Who knows? For more information, you can visit http://originalpursuitssoc.com/ If you’re interested in participating just contact me here on my blog.
What else is up with the world? Well, ever since the latest update, my 3DS won’t connect to the internet at Starbucks, which hinders my image-sharing capabilities. I have to briefly make my phone a hotspot and upload it through there. I’d really like to upload shots of New Leaf, Tomodachi, and Happy Homes. Until they make it better, which they might never do, I’ll have to share those images in a different way.
I’m working on a computer game, and I’m working on keeping up a schedule. I’ve been really bad about having a schedule, well, not really a schedule, just being engaged in activities regularly. Last night was the first time I made dinner in quite a while, which is not a good thing. Part of the problem was all the sleeping, but other parts of the problem include, funny enough, not feeling things. I feel like that with a little less buffer between me and my feelings, I actually gain a little motivation. I can always use more motivation.
I saw Zootopia with Maus and Captain. It was good, I thought. Captain thought the racial discrimination was a little heavy-handed, and she could tell how it would end pretty early on. I was able to stay more naive throughout though and thought it was very interesting. It had me guessing, or at least refreshed, throughout. I especially liked the dual messages being conveyed: try and do your best, chase your dreams, be accepting of others, that kind of thing. Zootopia seems like a nice place to live. Secretly, I’ve always wanted to be a cop (but that’s something that’s never ever going to happen.)
I was able to get my Fragile album fixed (by Nine Inch Nails). Apple Music has it messed up on its streaming service, so I had to re-buy and download the actual album from the iTunes store. I was missing some of my favorite songs like Where Is Everybody? or Into The Void. Well, now I have them back! Yay! So anybody looking to fix stupid Apple Music streaming of The Fragile, just get it from the store.
I still feel like I could be doing something amazing, but you know what? Life isn’t a constant barrage of amazing things. I mean, I know that’s obvious, but you have to be careful to not live in a movie in your head. Every day is kind of mundane in some respects, no matter how exciting your life is. Maybe if I was super rich and could do anything I wanted at any time I might feel differently, but I don’t think so. When you think of a story or a movie, you think of all the great things they do, but at the same time, you don’t see the hard work and the mundane issues that have to be addressed. When was the last time you saw a character say, “Oh, hold that thought, I gotta go to the bathroom.” That is unless you’re reading The Secret of Magic.
Tomorrow is the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Old Town. I’m going to go fursuiting! Hopefully this time I won’t get stopped by the cops, but I don’t think that’s going to happen this time. I think it was the fact that I had a backpack last time that kind of set people off. Maus and I are trying to see if we can get my FlipVideo working again (it seems to have cracked out), but we might just have to rely on my normal camera. After the parade, Maus has to go to rehearsal for Don Giovanni.
This week is spring break, so I don’t have FRCC classes all this week. I hope I can keep myself motivated throughout the week, but I don’t think that’ll be a super huge problem given how well this morning went.
Well, life is still beautiful, you just have to look at it in a certain way. Being able to feel something about it helps too.