Poochie Cures Cancer: I Like Turtles
ZAP! Poochie, Alice, Jareth, Michelangelo, and David Bowie appeared from out of the portal. ***FF7 Victory Theme Plays*** OMG! Everthing around them was either black, white, or a shade of black and white! Was it… was it… had they entered *doo da doo doo, doo da doo doo* the twilight zone? *screreereech*
No, silly, it was just a creaky old house with a conservatory. Then there was an explosion and some pieces of the black and white ceiling fell on them. Holy crap! They were black and white too! (excuse my language).
Lurch lurched up behind them and grabbed their shoulders, all of them, in both his hands. “Unnghghhghh” he pushed them towards the small set of stairs that lead into the larger room connected to the conservatory and that was also connected to the small set of stairs they were being pushed twoards..
“Dear,it appears we hve visitors/’ teh woman in black said.
“Gadzooks, gadida, and what a fine set of visitors theese aere. I do believe they’ve come without any notice.”
“I took notice,” Poochie prouded. Notice of what? “That I arrived” Ah, good, now that we’ve cleared that up let’s get down to introductions. Gazmo put his cigar into his jacket pocket, where lit cigars belong. He slapped his hands together and rubbed them a couple o’ times like in the good old dass and then stuck one out nd noticed, “I’m gomiz addams.”
Poochie rapped, “I’m poochie, yo digga, I do what I want to do, live what like I want to live, you know…”
“I do no, yes?”
Alice giggled, “I’m Alice. Some say I’m a computer, but you can tell otherwise can’t you?”
The turtle gasped, his breathe returning to his face, “I’m Mikey, I’m a turtle.”
Gomez Astin leaned in, “I like turtles.”
He turned to David the Goblin King and looked him up and down, “Cousin Veneer?”
Poochie snickerdoodled, “Mre like Cousin Venereal.”
Jareth “accidentally” backhanded poochie when he raised his hand and *ahemed* out a decent, “Jareth, the Goblin King.” Oh Good! I’ve got a goblin stuck in the lower cavities and Mamaa has been trying to get him out for ages. Jareth raised his eyebrows, that was sertanely not something he herd everyday. “Where exactly in these lower cavities..?..?”
“Oh, you have to go down a couple flights, but not just yet , it’s dinner time.
A huge gong bonged which caused their vision to shake, yet everything remained exactly where it was. Lurch lurched, “Dinner.”
Soon everyone was sitting around the dinner table. The only thing poochie could recognize was bread, since he was not of this planet and had not partaken of our earth foods. “Can jam I bread for have this some?” He barked out. Everyone stared at him…
Uncle Fester blurted out, “Did somebody say, ” Lillith, I mean, Morticia Addams exasperated, “UFester! No!”
Mamaa closed her eyes, shivering, “The omwan in white, the whoman in white…”
Poochie reached up to caress, as in, close Michelangelo’s gaping trap, “Don’t maslizzkitate with yo fool trap hanging wide daddy-o!”
Wednesday stared right into Alice’s soul, which she didn’t mind, ’cause there wasn’t much to see. Pugsley started to cry, “It’s been so long since we’ve had the ja-”
Morticia raised her hand, and cried out, “Pugsley! That word is interdit, remember?”
Gomez started kissing Morticia up the arm, “Oh, morticia, you spoke french!”
Morticia, now back in her element of feminine charm smiled demurely, “The ugests dear…” Oh of course…
Poochie was bewilderfunked, “Phlemargamastic! Does that mean I don’t get any jam?”
Suddenly in a second, a flashy flash flashed, and a head with huge eyes, white hair, and a grating voice appeared in the crystal ball on the table and echoed, “Today isn’t any other day… remember, today isn’t any other day.” It seemed innocent, but it was blood curdling… David Bowie had to be rescuscimitated.
Uncle Fester cheered on, “Let’s eat!”
They all dug in, deeper, and deeper, into their food. A chess piece fell into a tureen of soup and was never seen again. Eye of newt, entrail of camel, it was delicious. Morticia took a sip of something smoking, “So, Ophelia, who’s your new beau?”
Eveyone was staring at Alice, except Mikey and Poochie, who were staring at each other. Alice gulped and then let out a fake half-giggle half-laugh, “Why, you must have me mistaken for someone else. I’m not Ophelia…”
“Ophelia really, that flower in your hair must have taken a deep root…” And indeed there was a flower in her hair, so she must be Ophelia.
“Oh you’re right, there is a flower in my hair, but I’m a girl!”
“So’s Ophelia,” Gomez chimed in, providing irrefutable proof that indeed she must be Ophelia.
Alice looked towards where Morticia’s hand was motioning. It was Jareth Bowie! Where’d he come from? “Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh….” She ran her hand over the top of her head, her bow wasn’t a person, are these people craaaaazy or what? More like creepy and kooky, mysterious and ooky, and all together spooky Alice, all together spooky.
Jareth Bowie’s words slid through the air like an air freshener, “I’m Jareth the Goblin King, remember, we met in the den, and yes, Ophelia is a lovely girl, even if she is forgetful sometimes. The poor deer doesn’t even know who she is!”
“Oh silly me, forgetting myself,” Alice wandered, spying a book a nearby chest titled I am Not Ophelia.
Wednesday muttered, “It’s time to feed my dorspider, gotta go?”
Mamaa lestered, “After you took that dip in the water Ophelia, I’m surprised you remember anything, let alone walking.”
Gomez slyed, “I told you shouldn’t have taken that safari to the nepenthe Ophelia. Why not do as Morticia and I love and surround yourself with a hurricane?
Poochie stared into Mikey’s eyes, while Mikey’s eyes stared at Poochie’s huge schnozzer! Was it the brain pudding, or was it something more… like friendship? Could it be, Poochie felt a tingle of something in the tip of his tail, something, strange, alien… Mikey turned his head slightly to the side, his shell suddenly feeling a little warm. Mikey unconsciously started to move his right hand towards Poochie’s, but then Poochie turned away, and looked at a black spot on the gray ground. Poochie wasn’t sure of this, nothing in this world could be cooler than him, could it? Or did that only ascertain to Poochanus? Was it possibel that the universe was bigger than his philosophy Horatio? WAS IT!?!? HUH?
Dorothy and Sophia returned home later that day. To their surprise no one was home! It was odd, because somebody is always home on the show, but now there was nobody? So I guess they’re the ones that are home now, so they sit down in front of the television when Sophia blurts out, “I want a drink!” Dorothy being the tall wonderful mischevious masculine daughter that she is gets up to go to the kitchen, herself feeling a little parched, it was in her skin, and when she walks in there’s Blanche. Blanche blanched, “Look!” She held up a baggy of egg yolks, “A baggy full of sunshine!” Dorothy rolled her eyes, it was obvious Blanche had been drinking again… with all the men, and the drinking, it was everything they could do to string her life along like a reel of christmas lights. They depended on her, she was their landlord, and they were her old-lady slaves. It just looked good for the cameras, as long as it always looked good for the cameras.