Poochie Cures Cancer HD: Spongebob Shortcake!
The continuing adventures of a ninja rapping hippy dog from another planet…
Poochie Cures Cancer HD
(This article is part of a series, access the series index)
Chapter 6 – Compaq. Inspiration Techology. What’s in your wallet?
Eddie turned to his black and white comrade, “Did you see that!?”
“I saw a bright light…”
Don’t go towrds it Boris, don’t go! his female companion moaned.
“And in it was a creature worse than Moose and Squirrel, it struck ze fear into minez heart!” Borix chimed like a clock, you could tell the time.
Eddie furrowed his brow, like a V, for Vendetta, “That’s an anomoly, no normal program could’ve produced that much purity, not even in one single hip thrust and crotch grab! IT must’ve been an illegal breakthrough from cartoon land!”
Boris sneered. We must go undercover then and into cartoon land to discover the meaning of this new discovery no?”
Natasha What will I wear/ What is our disguise?
Valient Valiantly Valiented, “We’ll know when we discover the source of the creature…”
Rafael turned to Leonardo, “Dude, did you see that? I feel a renewed sense of hop eand an unrge to return home.”
Donatello looked around, “Uh, guys, we were caught iup in a crowd in central park, you think anybody saw us?”
Leonardo half-shelled, “This is cowabunga New York dude,”
You’re right… all this time I never thought of that,
Michelangelo grinned, What are we going to do now?
Poochie turned to Alice, “You came out of he compizzle-larizzle, what do you think hippy?”
“We could tesseract?” Alice curtsied graciously, she liked being clled a hippy.
Jareth outragedm “What’s a tessellact? Is it like telemortation?”
Michelangelo quipped swiftatiously “I thik I heard my bro’ talk about this… it’s like when you leap over a winkle in time and space in another dimension… he touched his fingers together, “Like a fingertrap dude.”
The red lights kept blaring loudly, Poochie nervous jumped to conclusion “Devil in a blue dress, take out the dryer sheet and get your wrinkle on!”
Alice Join hands so everybody made a circle and joined palm to palm, “Treguna Mekoides and Trecorum Satis Dee, Treguna Mekoides and Trecorum Satis Dee, Treguna Mekoides and Trecorum Satis Dee.”
SHAZAM! Gweeeorp, a portal started to open, it blew wind and shrapnel everywhere
Alice yelled, “New Doors Opened!”
David Bowie gleemed, “Open a new window, open a new door, travel a new highway that’s never been tried before…”
Poochie yelled over the clamor, “What’s wrong with you peeps, this is how I roll rockstars!” HE immediately in one second, almost at random but not completely; jumped into the portal.
The others followed soonly there afterwards.
The Street of Icing, which wound around the Candycane Tower in a narrowing spiral, was clogged with a dense crowd of the strangest creatures. Enormous beturbaned djinns, tiny kobolds, three headed trolls, and even two headed trolls! There was David Hasselhoff, bearded dwarves, glittering fairies, Bruno, Julia Childs, Captain America, samurai pizza cats, and pete % pete.
“What are they all doing here?” Huckleberry Pie huckled.
“They’re all messengers,” explained Bluberry, “Messengers from all over Strawberry land. All with the same message, as I’ve spoken to several of them. The same menace seems to have broken out everywhere.”
“What menace?” Orange Blossom stopped spray painting her mural on the inside of the courtroom. She was making what she called the Saccharine Chapel, being the cool hip urban artist she wast.
“Orange, haven’t you been paying attention, this is berry important?” Lemon Merinque puffed about, “The Innocent Infantile Eternal Empress of Lasting Friendships AKA IIEELF to you buster is berry ill with berry canecer!”
“Really?” Orange blossomed, “How come I’m the last to know about what happens to the Incredibly Big Hearted Friendship Empress of Everlasting Deliciousness AKA IBHFEED?”
Huckleberry took a bite out of the wall, “Look, we all know the world is in danger if Strawberry doesn’t get better. She’s the sticky substance that holds us all together, without her shortcake friendship powers, we’d all just collapse in the oven.”
Someone handed Huckleberry a piece o paper, on it was a finely detailed question, “But what’s causing it?”
Oh, Apple Dumplin, you have incredible penmanship for a baby that can’t speak. Huckleberry steamed, “I don’t know what’s causing the painful pains in the Empress’ forehead. We’ve tried Headon, but it’s not working. We’ve tried Midol. but we couldn’t find a suitable doll that was mine.”
Lime Chiffon swooped in, “Like, the doctors are meeting in the Magnolia Pavilion to figure out what’s wrong with her right now.”
Blueberry Muffin rose, “I’ll go in and check on them to see how it’s coming along…”
“I don’t understand it. No matter which way you position it, the whole situation is undevourable,” Dr. Lector gnashed.
“I’ve used some red-green pills, and some blue-yellow pills, and then some red-blue pills, but nothing seems to disappear,” Dr. Mario bemoaned.
“Vanilla does nothing, chocolate does nothing, it’s all the same,” Dr. Pepper added.
“Musical therapy has turned up nothing,” Dr. Teeth inclined.
All the best doctors had been brought in to this serious matter. no matter their background. it was jusst too big of a case and too large of a mystery to solve. IT wasn’t too much trouble as the friendship club was wide and far reaching.
“I can’t seem to set my sights on it,” Doc Holliday shot off, and Dr. Albert Wily agreed, “There’s not a robot I could build that could make sense out of this matter. And I’ve tried with Q-TIP man!”
“I keep telling you she’s not an animal!” Dr. Doolittle angrily slapped the table.
“No more head games here!” Dr. Frasier Crane blurted out, “We need to get ourselves straight”
“No matter how many arms I have, I can’t seem to reach her,” Dr. Octopus reached some more.
“All I foresee is tragedy,” Dr. Doom doomed and finally struck on what they had all been avoiding admitting.
“She’s going to leave behind some very hard to fill shoes,” Dr. Scholl’s lamented.
You have to understand that the Empress of Friendship was far more than a ruler, she measured something entirely different.
She had never used force, or made use of her powers, she never issued commands, nor judged anyone, nor defended herself against any assailants, as to her all subjects were equal. She was the center of all life, is the center of all life, and will forever be the center of all life. And every creature whether good or bad, beautiful or ugly, merry or solemn, foolish or wise, all owe their extense to her existence. Nobody knows what would happen if the red king and the empress battled, mostly because he’s asleep.
Blueberry returned from the Magnolia Room, “I don’t know about the doctors but they got an awesome sound system in there.”
Huckleberry browned, “It’s that bad huh?”
Blueberry nodded her head.
Lime Chiffon fluttered, “So how bad is it?”
Lemon Meringue turned to her, “That bad.”
Lime raised her head in the middle of a dance moove, “Ooooh, that is bad.”
Orange Blossom pondered for a moment, “Who’s seeing the empress now?”
Blueberry sprinkled, “Dr. Zaius.”
And who’s next?
Dr. Clayton Forrester, then Dr. Benjamin Spock, and after that Dr. Beverly Crusher.
Dr. Forrester entered into the room after Dr. Zaius left shaking his head, “Everyone’s just monkeying around.”. The Friendship Titanesse was singing!
***Whooooooo lives in a strawberry under the sea, spongebob shortcake! All full of truffles and squishy is she! spongebob shortcake! if bakery hijinks is something you wish! spongebob shortcake! then get out of the oven and serve your own dish! READY? spongebob shortcake spongebob shortcake spongebob shortcake!***
Dr. Forrester turned to Dr. Spock, “My god it’s worse than I thought”! Crusher turned to Spock, “What do you make of it Dr?” Spock returned the glances, “Highly illogical.”
There was somebody who was watching this whole ordeal with a seriously great amount of interest from a window in the wall. It was Jojo and Fenji! “Oh no Fenji, all this time I had been traveling to see the Everlasting Friendship Idol and now she’s sick and the world is coming to an end, even my very own existence!” He leaned his fishbowl in further and almost fell over, a piece of algae getting into his eye, “I need to clean this thing, in my world, we keep things clean.”
Suddenly all fell silent, for the great double door had opened. In stepped Dr. Zaius, the far famed master of futuristic monkeys.
He was wearing a large golden amulet around his nect and on thi amulet one could make out a golden pretzel. Everyone knew what the medallion meant. It was the badge of one acting on orders from the Friendship Empress of Succlence herself as if she herself were present. It was said to give the bearer mysterious powers, though no one knew exactly what these powers were. He handed the amulet to Huckleberry Pie.
“I won’t try to misrepresent our defeat by using big words. Strawberry Shortcake’s illness has baffled us all. It’s possible that medical witch-doctoresness can’t save her. It’s possible that we don’t knowe everything, and that makes us that much wiser. It’s my last and only hope that somwhere in this unbounded realm there is someone wiser than we are, who can give us help and advice. One thing is certain: the search for this savior calls for a pathfinder, you know, like a car, which someone can drive to find paths in the pathless wilderness and who will shrink from no danger or hardship. In other words: a ford! The Empress has given me the name of this hero. His name is Jojo, and he lives in the blue ocean beyond the gumdrop mountains. I shall transmit AURYN to him and send him on the Great Quest.”
Jojo fell through the window and almost crashed open his fishbowl on top of his head. Everyone stared at him, and I mean everyone including Apricot, Butter Cookie, Cherry Cuddler, Angel Cake, Almond Tea, Café Olé, Crepe Suzette, Mint Tulip, Lem and Ada, Peach Blush, Baby Needs-A-Name, Banana Twirl, Mr. Sun, Lucky Bug, Escargot, Flitter-Bit, Tamalé, Horseradish, Coco Nutwork, Berry Busy Bug, Philbert Wormly III, Maple Stirrup, The Berry Princess, Strawberrykin, Blueberykin, Raspberrykin, Orange Berrykin, Lemon Berrykin, Lime Berrykin, Plum Berrykin, Peach Berrykin, Banana Berrykin, Mint Berrykin, The Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak, Sour Grapes, Dobbin, Raisin Cane, Licorice Whip, Custard the Cat, Pupcake the Dog, Chocolate Chipmunk, Souffle, Frappe, Cheesecake Mouse, Vanilla Icing, Marmalade Butterfly, Orange Marmalade, Shoofly, Apple Ducklin, Cheesecake, Triple Ripple Toucan, Papaya Parrot, Kiwi, Cola Chameleon, Tea Time Turtle, Rhubarb Monkey, Elderberry Owl, Marmalade Butterfly, Hopsalot Bunny, Jelly Bear, Parfait Parrot, Gooseberry Goose, Burrito Burro, Marsh Mallard Duck, Sugar Woofer English Sheepdog, Melonie Belle Lamb, Fig Boot, Raven, Éclair, Marza Panda, Freezer Pop, Dregs, Honey Pie Poney, Cookie Dough, Milkshake, Orange Twist, Huckleberry Hash, Cherry Vanilla, Spumoni, Blueberry Sundae, Pistachio, Butter Pecan, Lemon Ice, Raspberry Ripple, Ambrosia, Buttercup, Sunflower, Daffodil, Thunder, Ginger Snap, Peppermint Fizz, Rainbow Sherbet, Coco Calypso, Seaberry Delight, Tea Blossom, Frosty Puff, Tangerina Torta, Raspberry Torte, the Berry Fairies, Banana Candy, Watermelon Kiss, Annie Oatmeal, Carmel Corn, Brambleberry Fairy, Appleberry Fairy, Princess Strawberry Rose, Lime Light, and Meryl Streep, who kept jumping up and down yelling, “It’s Aphrodite~!”
Written by Asher Wolfstein
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