Poochie Cures Cancer HD: Slapchop!
The continuing adventures of a dog from space…
Poochie Cures Cancer HD
(This article is part of a series, access the series index)
What Dorothy didn’t know ws that Sophia was not alone, by herself, in the presene of her daughter. She was travelling with someone. The downtrodden soul was in her suitcase, out of power, dejuiced, out of a job (in an economy like this, and almost out of friends. The Little Grandma almost did’t get him stuffed in there on time, his jagged tail kept popping out like a 7-11 hushpuppy, besides, it’s hard to be nice when you don’t feel comfortable, that’s why she lined the suitcase with jeans.
He can remember it now, his boy wonder said, “I think you need a bath little budy!” Bath? He’d never needed no bath before what is this bath Before he knew it Ash was holding his little head underwater, and he kept holdint it there. He was Relentless By Nature. It was all he could do to electriqufy his dear lifelong master, but this time the water sucked all his awesomenest power of powerful electricatiousness out of him, sucking and sucking. like a vacuum, you’d understand if you were there. Knocking poor Ash back, Pikachu bobbed to the surface like a piece of KFC. Finger lickin’ good!
Ash shrieked, “High performance, time and again…!”
But that was the beginning of the beginning of the end of the beginning of the end. Like a preface, nobody really reads it, its prematurity is never satisfying.
“Heeeeeeeeeeeere’s Channing!” OMGWTF! it was her! Her white coiffe and incredibly big eyes leered at them through the hole in the doorway. What Ash had done was out of desperation. If only they hadn’t discovered the secret of the sweet succulent, juicy, jam made out of real fruit!
*SMASH* Channing chopped the door again with the axe. “I SAID it was…”
Ash grabbed his soaked friend and started stuffing him out the window into the cold freezing air, just like’d yow’d you make a popsicles.
“Channing put her hand through the door grabbing the doorknob, “Every Other Day!”
Ash cowered in fear of her visage. The horrifying thought ran through his mind, “Maybe she’s born with it, Maybe it’s Maybelline.” HE was running out of time, so he had to get back into it. HE started climbing out the window when the broadway star grabbed his shoe But it was Bostonian, so she had to look again.
Ash kicked her in the forehead, “You could’ve had a V8!” Then the slipped through the window like a banknote in a vacuum tube.
The window fell shut on the Hello DOlly’s hand, Ash smirked by adding a line to his face, then cheerfuylly turned to his frozen friend, “100% pure squeezed sunshine!”
He picked up his frozen friend of shocking porportions, he breathed to himself, “Slapchop! My life doesn’t need to be anymore exciting.”
Ever since that fateful day Pikachu just couldn’t keep it up anymore. He’d tried a toaster, then mounted a lightbulb, but there just wasn’t any juice left. Nothing would get turned on by him, not even with a sparkplug, or electromagnetic rings, it just didn’t maintain the same power he once had.
Now he was standing in front of this tall bejangled woan. She was so tall, with legs that wouldn’t quit, that it perhaps was possible that she couldn’t be tall enough! Could it be? A smidgen of a schoche of a pulse to a spark?
Nop just a sneeze.
Ash echoed, “That’s a, uh, my, well, pikachu. He’s my friend, I know, because we go on adventures and he sleeps with me.”
Dagny curled her nose, “HE smells like a wet coffeegrinder in a moldy minifridge…” She couldn’t read the creature’s mind, it was strange and alien, like it was made up of a thousand million pictures being flipped through really fast. Whatever, Dagny turned to Ash, “What does it do?
Ash looked up, then down, then to the left and right at the same time, “Well, nothing now, he used to make electricity, but now things just aren’t conducting the same….
“Motherbrain1 Motherbrain mothered out like an itch she couldn’t scratch.
Sephiroth stood up, mother what do you have me do?
“Get me some head-on! I’ve got brainfreeze.” She thought out loud, “I can’t put my cortex on it, but there’s some kind of disturbance in the force.”
Ever since the movie deal Sephroth had never been quite ethe same, with the failed launch of his sitcom andmusic career he had fallen into a life of lies, drugs, sex, alcohol, and D&D. Motherbrain brought him out of his self-destructive shell. She showed him that his mother was where his heart was, and now his his heart was inside MotherBrain. She was like a mother to him, looks ugly, tastes great.
Sephiroth tried to put the head on on to her, but gave up and put it on himself. He sat on his beautifully rendered hair, “It’s something dark, something ill, something growing,” the brain pondered.
“No! But like me.
*RING RING* *RING RING* Hello?
Avon calling… ha ha just kidding, what’s uuuup!?
“Oh you know girlfriend, the usual… just keeping the crib infected. How’s Shredder?”
“Tryed to dye his hair black, the crybaby, it turned out translucent red.”
“Haha! That’s fantazlastic, you have to facebook that, he’ll never live it down.”
:Listen, brain, my interdimensional computer’s radar is detecting a disturbance in the force
“Is it dark, ill, and growing?….?”
Amazassling, no, it’s realy bright, I can’t make it out, but the turtles are there…”
Listen babe, we need to check this out,
Carmen had always had an operatic level of jealous of Carmen. She would sing at the Sydney Opera House, Glendenbourn, Baeroyt, La Scala, and the Met, wooing audiences with her gypsy charms. As famous as Carmen was infamous, Carmen had one thing Carmen lacked… talent, and love. That’s why it was up to Carmen now to steal the Met, on the night of Carmen’s new season, and that’s why she hired Ihor Ihorovic to do the job.
But something, strange was going on, there was a traffic jam in Ney Yourk City. What could it be? People weren’t in their cars, like they were abandoned or omething, and she saw people running towards Times Square, I mean, Central Park.
Intrigued she folowed the, and unknown to her the Turtles and the rest of the guys were there too.
In the middle of central park a light shone, brilliant, bright, and as beautiful and pure as Michael Jackson’s heart, and in its midst there was a delicate creature of white, a horn protruding from its foreheada. It was shaped like a horse, cause it had four legs.
Carmen Sandiego took off her fedora and stoof aghastly taken over by the beuty of the unicorn. Suddenly an young woman, appeared, yelling, “I love you! I love you! Don’t do this to yourself, you don’t have to do this, what about the baby: It was Bella, the Twilight chick! Crazy girl.
Suddently almost at once this really bluetastic lady came down and scopped the creature away, “The gods have found you, we must go Unico!’
“But I haven’t found a human with a childlike heart as pure as Michael Jackson’s!”
We must gooooooooooooooo….ooooooooo…
And with that the unicorn like creature that was really an unicorn vanished, just like it was there in front of my eyes, gone the next, poof!
The people gathered felt something really special had gone through them and with renewed hope they returned home, because work was cancelled.
Carmen however, felt somethign apart from that… she was so enamored from the Unicorn’s beauty that she watned to have it near her forever, and a part of her that still was an child felt a terrible, horrendous, nostalgia, the Met completley forgotten now, she knew that she knew she had to set out on a search for someone that would konw the answer to her troubles, someone who could help her capture her heart’s desire.
Who could it be?
Written by Asher Wolfstein
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