Coffee and Strangeness
Maus made a post once on Facebook, at least I believe it was him, which he claimed captured me perfectly. He was right, it was the image of a coffee and on it the words appeared, paraphrased, “I don’t really have a plan every day, just coffee and strangeness my friend, coffee and strangeness.” It’s actually quite apt, and to some degree, accurate. It reminds me of something Hurricane posted which also was about coffee. Hers read, “I saw somebody at Starbucks, drinking coffee. They didn’t have a smart phone, a tablet, a book, nothing. They were just sitting there, drinking coffee… like a psychopath.” I told her I actually do that sometimes, and of course, she said she wasn’t surprised.
I haven’t been up to too much strangeness lately, but I have been up to some coffee for sure. I haven’t written much of a more personal post in a while, been focusing more on working on my Clock Tower Let’s Play posts, but I thought it was time to write up some details of my life. I have pictures too!
Anyways, in case you missed it, this thing called Christmas happened. Another thing called the Presidential Inauguration also happened, but, trust me, Christmas was way better. At Christmas I got a few presents. One of them was a new set of sheets, and quite a while ago I put them on our bed. Well, I’ve finally gotten around to getting the picture off Instagram and on to my blog:
I’m actually a little surprised, and sent my mother, the Enlightener, a text saying as much. I’m surprised at the color. You see, when I was eighteen I was a little odd… okay, more than a little odd, and that was okay, but it led to things like me having “personalized” bed sheet colors for my bed. They were black and dark or a deep red. Well, one day while I was attending the University of Colorado at Boulder, something I’ve written about before, I decided that I was going to attempt suicide. It was definitely not one of the best and most well thought out plans in my life, and luckily, it didn’t work out. However, I posted a note on a website, well, thee website that everybody who’s anybody would visit (being the website of my high school organization I cofounded with my adopted brother). It was written in red text on a black background, pretty much the same shade as my sheets, and it ended up being displayed all over my former high school, and on the screen of my adopted brother’s computer. Luckily, him and my mother were coming up for my oldest brother’s, Ninja’s, birthday so she saw the note, and then drove up to Boulder. This was unfortunately before cell phones were really a thing, and so, nobody knew what was going on or even if I was alive. That was a scary and awful, awful, awful time for everyone involved. So, you can imagine, just like the smell of marijuana immediately transports me to my dorm room where I faced my roommate with blood shot eyes hours before my first suicide attempt, the sight of black and red colored sheets transported my mother to that computer screen where she found out her youngest might be dead. Red and black bed sheets were banned from the on, as well as dying my hair a dark color (I had it dyed black at the time). When I put the sheets on and was confronted with the color, I realized that this was an odd color choice then from my mother. She never really commented on it though, but, they’re nice so here they are.
I also got another gift for Christmas. It’s kind of funny, there’s this funny video of a voice dubbed over the commercial for the product. It’s somewhat offensive, but it just strikes my funny bone. It also strikes Maus’ and Ferret’s funny bones, Ferret laughed hysterically. Here it is:
So after Christmas happened I got online and said, “Guess what I got for Christmas? I’ll give you a hint…” to ferret. Now watch the video above to get this, but I said, “You know what goes good with this rock!?” It’s too funny. But yes, I got a red copper pan, something I didn’t even expect whatsoever. So it was a pretty good present, but I didn’t really give it a ton of thought. I brought it home and have used it a couple times, and I’ve thought about writing a review and making a bit of a video of it (maybe I’ll make a collections/compendium video of stuff I’ve made on it). But let me tell you this, I love it. It’s SO easy to clean, everything comes right off. And I can put it in the oven too without worrying, which has been nice for the last couple dinners I’ve been making. Here are a few pictures of things I’ve done with it:
The next picture actually went into the oven. It has a bit of a story. I’m supposed to bake 3/4 in pork rib chops (whatever those are) for like 20 minutes. Well, I couldn’t find the right cut of pork at the grocery store, so we just got boneless ribs, which are much thicker than 3/4 in. I’ve never really cooked or experimented around with pork before, so I wasn’t really sure how long I’d have to cook it. Well, it didn’t come out white. It came out reddish pink, and after a few phone calls back and forth with the Enlightener, we determined it needed to cook for up to 50 minutes. Problem is, the onion mixture in there with the pan burns up at 400 deg for that long. So, next time I make this, I’ll have to get the right cut if I don’t want the onions to burn up. It turned out alright though, here it is before it went back in the oven:
I had an interesting run-in this week, or last week, or whatever. I drop Maus off at work every day and then drive to the clinic to pick up my medication. Unfortunately, I get to the clinic a little earlier than I really can go in to the halfway house appropriately to get my meds. So I’ve been parking across the road (’cause that’s just the way I come in) and waiting for 15-20 minutes and then going in and getting my meds and then leaving. So I go and park and start to wait, and this woman comes out of her yard in some kind of bath robe and starts taking a picture of my car with her phone. I’m thinking, “Oh boy.” So she walks up and barely lets me talk at all, going on about how creepy I am and wondering if I was some kind of stalker. She’s like, “Do you live in that house?” So I offered to park across the street either in front of the clinic or the halfway house, and she says I should do that. I pondered telling her that the house across the street is a halfway house, or that I’m picking up meds for being psychotic, but I thought I was already “creepy” enough. So as soon as I consent to doing that, she leaves… so no further explanation necessary I guess. So, now I’m parking across the street. I don’t really get it, I do the same thing every day at the exact same time, wait the exact same amount of time, which is only like 20 minutes. I don’t understand how that is suspicious, and in fact, I think it’s rather self-important of her to think it has anything to do with her whatsoever (stalker? really?) But I do understand her concerns so I guess I park differently now. It’s kind of a pain though, because now I’m painfully aware of her watching me either in the yard or through her window every morning, wondering what I’m doing. Ah well.
So I go into the clinic/halfway house and discover this about my glove:
Too bad! It’s a really nice glove too, because it has special “nanotechnology” that enables me to be able to use touch screens when they’re on, particularly my phone touch screen. That way I don’t have to take my gloves off to use my phone, which is nice. Ah well, honestly it seems like my gloves kinda shrunk over a period of time, but I think that really my hands got bigger. I’m not exactly sure how that worked, but I think when I gained weight, my hands got bigger. Either way, the strain on that particular thread was too much and now I have a hole. I’ll have to look around for some nano gloves then.
In other news, I’ve been talking to somebody online, and I’ve talked to him enough and he seems like a cool enough person that I’ll give him a name in my blog. His name is Ferret, cause he’s a ferret, and likes to climb all over my body. I shared this cool video with Ferret one day, from a band I adore called Sigur Ros:
He said the video almost made him cry… or something like that, I don’t know. I kinda thought, “Wow, I wish I could cry like that.” I don’t cry anymore, which is kind of a pain, cause sometimes I want to cry. I think it’s an affliction I’ve inherited. On that note, I’ve been seeing a therapist now (two times so far) and things have started to gradually improve. I’ve decided that maybe I’m not an entirely worthless person, heh, but some days it’s still kind of hard. I’ve written before about the two and a half years I spent basically being a nonperson, and in some ways, I feel like I’m back in that space… just without all the anxiety I had. The first time through, I had crazy sexual obsessions I could ‘focus’ on (whether I wanted to or not, and regardless if they made me feel like shit), but this “time through” I don’t have that. I think that’s a good thing, because then I can just face this depression, these cognitive dissonances head on.
It’s kind of funny. I told her about how I feel “small” sometimes, and I started to explain that I didn’t necessarily mean in terms of physical size, and she leaned back and said, “Yeah, you feel small in stature.” That was amazing. She’s exactly right, and that’s thee exact word I use to describe the feeling. So I briefly expanded on what I meant by stature, and she said, “Yes, I get it, the stature of a man.” She got it.
And then she said something interesting. Most of the time, when I hear about how I’m “not alone,” that there are other people out there who have similar or the same problems, I don’t really get much comfort out of it. I kinda think, “Well, that’s nice, but that doesn’t change how I feel or what I’m having to deal with.” However, after I described how I have felt and believed myself to be small in the past, and where I believe all of that started (damn you sixth grade), she leaned back and said, “I think lots of people, male, and even female, feel that way.” I just kind of stopped and looked at her. She expanded, “In my experience, a lot of people feel that way.” And this image of the some of the “smaller” people I’ve seen in my life since those two years popped in my head, and I thought, “Maybe they feel exactly like I do.” And… it was good. I thought, other males are thinking the same thing about me that I think about them, somewhere, sometimes. And that was… different. It seems a little obvious now, but it was an interesting thing to realize I hadn’t really considered.
I’ve been working on two things this last week, Clock Tower, and reading the rest of my Learning Python book. I’ve been recording Clock Tower for the Playstation playthroughs from my Twitch channel, and if you follow my YouTube channel you’ll have seen the fruits of my efforts. As soon as I get all the video rounded up for the PSX Clock Tower, I’ll put together some posts about the game outlining various details and such. I’m anticipating it’ll probably be five or six posts for the PSX Clock Tower game (the first one). In terms of any other “projects,” I’m still working on that post about the methods and processes of abstraction. I have some reading to do on the subject to make sure my ideas are clear and well grounded, but do expect a tutorial on the advantages and pitfalls of the process of abstraction and abstract thought processes.
In the mean time I’ve been reading a LOT of Python. I hit the 1030 page mark on Thursday and it looked a bit like this:
My coffee one day was really sweating a lot, and I didn’t think about it and took a drink. It dripped profusely on the page I was on. Oh noes! Unfortunately, the pages are very thin and when I tried to wipe it up with my sleeve… I ended up with this:
Guess that one’s not getting sold on Amazon again… ah well.
In other news, I found a new favorite thing. It’s a penny bank, but as soon as I saw it I knew it had to be mine. It’s ceramic, which is nice (or some kind of really tough plastic)… I didn’t really know where’d we put it, but it seems to have found a nice place on one of our shelves for the time being. I present to you, smiley cat!
What furry worth his salt could resist a thing such as this?