Category: Daily Logs

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Pearl Street Serendipity

Asher relates his journey into anxiety madness, and how he hit the wall. But Maus and he took a trip to Boulder on Pearl Street in search of a stone to help his anxiety. It was a serendipitous trip all around, finding some great finds and seeing some cool stuff. Relax on Pearl Street with Asher.

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Running Against Dysphoria

And I thought, I considered, when has this occurred before?  Now, if I become dysphoric and hate on myself and form a very altered version of reality and it lasts for five days with me being unable to do anything but lay on the couch, Maus wants to take me to the crisis center.  Five days!  That’s nothing compared to the state I found myself in for two and a half years.  I’ve written about it before.

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Totoro Yoga Rolls

Maus and I went to Barnes and Noble for a sale, and I got a new keychain. However, My Neighbor Totoro trinkets were calling to me, but alas I did not buy any. I did however buy a present for Captain which was neat. Why is there yoga in old town, why am I at Starbucks, and what do these antennae do on this Caterpillar Roll?

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Borderline Pursuits

My ideas are worth something. I want to do some tutorials on electricity and programming, partially because I want to build an augmented reality system for myself (and potential future fursuits). I also want to make a new fursuit, this time of myself. In terms of programming, I though it’d be kind of cool if I could make some kind of game engine editor thing, even if it was only for me and Maus to use. Another thing I thought would be interesting to build is an AI/Robot thing.  I always dream of creating a furry robot that could be my friend. What do you think?

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Seeing Other People

… will Asher overcome his fear of meeting other people and go to a MeetUp? How long will the new shelf space last now that “cancer man” is gone? Is Asher going to get rich with his part-time job and the internet? Only time will tell…

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Coffee and Strangeness

Maus made a post once on Facebook, at least I believe it was him, which he claimed captured me perfectly. He was right, it was the image of a coffee and on it the words appeared, paraphrased, “I don’t really have a plan every day, just coffee and strangeness my friend, coffee and strangeness.”

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Gotta Choose, Nothing To Lose

I’ve decided that one thing I can work on is this blog. Here’s the deal, I have to keep myself busy. I’m not allowed to “not do anything” anymore, so, I’m going to need some projects or activities to keep me busy. There have been times in the past when I’ve kept up this blog to a pretty good degree, and it was kind of fun.

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Worth The Effort

Tonight we’re going to an office party for Maus’ work for the holidays. Looks like I may have to be hanging up my hat at the moment and getting ready for that. I just thought I’d stop in here for a moment and share my thoughts.

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A Day In The Life

But, I’ve started writing down my thoughts on notes, and hopefully I’ll have more comprehensive blog data in the long run. In the mean time, I have to decide what I’m going to write my next essay on, and what tutorial I’m going to do first. I was thinking something mathematical, as I’m not quite ready for a philosophy explication.

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What Can I Say?

However, with no one around, I’ve found very little reason to really do anything.

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It’s All Like Reruns

The idea I have to keep in mind from all these developments is that I just have to love myself, and aspire to bring positivity to my life with what I have. I’m not going to get anywhere dwelling on what I can’t do with what I don’t have, and that’s what I’ve been doing all this time.

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Seven Days

We’ll see if I have another ‘anger episode’ this week, like I did last week and the week before since stopping the Lamictal. Maybe I can direct it in a better direction, I just have to lay out the pipes. Makes me think of Super Mario, like there’s this little red Italian plumber running around inside my psyche jumping on baddies, and turning into a raccoon. Works for me!

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Something’s Gotta Give

I’m in this strange place where I don’t believe anything I say about myself, or anything anybody says about me, there’s just nothing there. I’m just nothing. I look back o myself and try to take stock, without anger, and I just find nothing. There’s nothing there… and I hate it.

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Recover Boot, Wipe, Reinstall

I want to save up, if I can get any money, for the $3000 Mac Pro. The low-end model would be freakin’ fantastic for me! I’d have so much power at my finger tips, it would be truly awesome. But alas, The Christmas Train Cake Lives!

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Hard To Get

I was put on a steroid, Prednisone, and I’m not really sure how that really works out. I was on a steroid earlier when I was having bronchitis issues and it seemed to wreak some havoc with my moods and anxiety. This time wasn’t too different.

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Feeling Myself

Ah well, so goes on life. Well, that’s about it for now. A lot of stuff going on, and it’s difficult, but manageable, and terribly exciting.

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2894-2

Here I sit, so cliche, wonderin’ what the hell to do.  Maybe I should go into a bathroom stall and write in loose-leaf notebooks.  I feel like I want to cry, that it would...

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Drifting Around

I don’t understand people who wear their mental illness as a badge of some form of weird pride. I mean, I understand feeling different, and being intelligent, and seeing and experiencing things the average person doesn’t necessarily experience. I get very frustrated with my disorder sometimes because I think it gets in my way.

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Additional Dialogue Recording

I just don’t generally think of my life or my experiences of it as necessarily that unusual or special, mainly because I don’t have a tendency to necessarily think I’m that special.  It’s not that I don’t value myself, as I’ve been getting much better about that through reading Seth.  It’s just that I don’t really place myself ‘above’ or in a position as ‘different’ than other people in my mind.  I just think we’re all human, and we’re all different.

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Beautiful Remastered

I also consider this post a bit of a reboot, to fit in line with the remaster, in that I’m wiping the slate clean with what I haven’t posted.  This means I won’t feel like I have a giant back log of stuff that I have to get to the screen.  What’s ‘lost’ is lost, but I can move forward with more great amazing things!